


Weirdos On a Train

by Prim_the_Amazing



Category: Naruto
Genre: Fluff, Humor, M/M, POV Third Person, POV Umino Iruka, Present Tense, Trains
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-17
Updated: 2016-08-17
Packaged: 2018-08-09 11:16:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7799620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prim_the_Amazing/pseuds/Prim_the_Amazing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Of course Iruka notices him. He's pretty sure no one on the train car doesn't. The man's wearing a scarf in June, wrapped around his neck and the lower half of his face. How has he not had a heat stroke yet, Iruka thinks, sweating in his stupid work attire. (Why can't he teach in a T-shirt? They're third graders, it's not like they'll be distracted by his rippling (hah!) muscles.) But there are always weirdos on the train. Iruka should stop obsessing over him, just like he stopped obsessing over that guy who always walks past Iruka's kitchen window while wearing a green spandex suit, even during winter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Weirdos On a Train

Of course Iruka notices him. He's pretty sure no one on the train car doesn't. The man's wearing a scarf in _June_ , wrapped around his neck and the lower half of his face. _How has he not had a heat stroke yet_ , Iruka thinks, sweating in his stupid work attire. (Why can't he teach in a T-shirt? They're third graders, it's not like they'll be distracted by his rippling (hah!) muscles.) But there are always weirdos on the train. Iruka should stop thinking about him, just like he stopped thinking about that guy who always walks past Iruka's kitchen window while wearing a green spandex suit, even during winter. He has tests to plan, anyways. 

Scarf Guy doesn't even seem to be discomfited by the heat. _Well, maybe there are just some people who aren't that affected by temperature_ , Iruka thinks to himself stubbornly, remembering Green Spandex Guy gallivanting around in the snow in his skin tight outfit like he wasn't probably dying of frostbite. 

So Iruka puts Scarf Guy out of his mind. 

* * *

The next time Iruka sees Scarf Guy is on the same train, and this time Scarf Guy is standing so that Iruka can see his eyepatch. _Scar Guy has an eyepatch_. Iruka has never even seen someone in real life who has an eyepatch. Is he a pirate? Is he a villain? Is he Nick Fury? Does he actually need the eyepatch? _Of course he does, there are people out there with unusual disabilities,_ Iruka scolds himself, shaking his head. Iruka's constantly annoyed by people asking questions about his scar, like there's a tragic backstory behind it instead of just an embarrassing, stupid accident. He's being a real hypocrite right now. And Scarf Guy probably-- _definitely_  has a job that has nothing to do with eyepatches at all, okay. Maybe Scarf Guy's an accountant. Maybe Scarf Guy attends boring meetings where everyone argues about nothing for two hours and then gets Chinese, or he makes phone calls to strangers who don't want to talk to him. 

Scarf Guy is a totally normal person who just so happens to wear an eyepatch and also a scarf no matter the weather. Okay, he's a little bit peculiar, but who isn't? 

Scarf Guy is, relatively, just a normal, boring person. 

* * *

_Scarf Guy is reading porn in public_. Iruka stares in horror at the familiar, orange book in Scarf Guy's hands. He kind of wants to call him out, but then he'd have to admit to knowing what it is. Several men and women around him seem to be having the same predicament, Iruka can tell from their expressions. 

 _What are you doing, Scarf Guy?_ Iruka despairs. _You're supposed to do that kind of thing in your house. Are you an exhibitionist? Is this a humiliation thing? Who's being humiliated here? Why do you look so bored and casual like you're just reading Vogue magazine or something? Are you a pervert? Do you have a boner? Okay, no, you don't, good-- ohgoddidanyonenoticemechecking? Okay, no, I don't think so, thank god._

Iruka desperately puts Scarf Guy out of his mind. 

* * *

Iruka wonders whether or not Scarf Guy dyes his hair that color. He had initially assumed that he did, but Iruka is pretty sure his hair has grown out a few inches since Iruka started checking him o-- _observing him_ , and he can't see any roots. Well, maybe he just dyes his hair again whenever he notices any roots. Maybe Scarf Guy is very invested in his Aesthetic, which seems likely given how... unique it is, and how much dedication it must take to keep wearing a scarf even in this sweltering heat. 

Iruka wishes he could handwave away how Scarf Guy's hair defies gravity like that, but he has unfortunately seen it move along easily in the breeze as the train doors open and bounce right back into its former position. That is one hundred percent mind bogglingly authentic. Iruka doesn't want to think about it. 

It is unfortunately hard not to think about it, though. 

* * *

Iruka swears he can hear Scarf Guy's stomach from here. _He swears_. 

 _Did you even fucking eat today_ , Iruka says to Scarf Guy in one of his increasingly numerous imaginary conversation with him. _I bet you skipped breakfast today. Why? Did you oversleep? Were you in a hurry? Were you out of food? Were you just feeling lazy? Breakfast's the most important meal of the day, you idiot! I have students with more respect for their own health than you._

Iruka realizes when he misses his stop that he failed epically at that 'not thinking about him' thing, because unlike with Green Spandex Guy Iruka can't just draw his curtains and never open them again. He has to take this stupid train if he doesn't want to either be an hour too late to his job or wake up at the crack of dawn. _Do you have to take the same train car every day though_ , a treacherous voice whispers inside Iruka's head, and he puts it out of his mind just like he should with Scarf Guy, but doesn't seem to be able to. 

Scarf Guy looks up at him with a raised eyebrow, and Iruka realizes that Scarf Guy _noticed that Iruka missed his usual stop_. 

 _Maybe this isn't as one-sided as you thought_ , that treacherous voice whispers again, having snuck back into his mind. Maybe Iruka is actually just fucking terrible at putting things out of his mind. Maybe Iruka has coffee with Green Spandex Guy every time he walks past Iruka's house, and maybe Iruka knows that his name is Gai, and maybe they're gossip buddies. 

Iruka throws an energy bar at Scarf Guy's face to make him stop looking at him and also because he can _still_ hear his stomach rumbling, and then he runs out of the opening doors, even though this isn't his stop at all and he has no idea where he is. 

* * *

The next day Iruka takes the same train at the same time, even in the same fucking car. He is hopeless. 

There seems to be some kind of festival or something that Iruka missed though, because there are a _ton_ of people on the train. He can't even see Scarf Guy (and he's not relieved nor is he not disappointed, okay). They're packed in like sardines, and Iruka desperately fights his way further in, because every time the doors open he almost falls out with the tide of people going out and then gets trampled over by the tide of people coming in. 

"It's a holy day, you know," the man who Iruka is currently squished against says, his voice oddly muffled. "Lots of visiting relatives and such." 

Iruka looks towards him to thank him for the information and apologize for all of the breaching of personal space, when he's confronted by a ridiculously unseasonal scarf, an impossibly gravity defying head of hopefully-dyed silver hair, an eyepatch that he really shouldn't stare at, and an obscene porn book. 

"Uh," Iruka says. "Thanks." 

"I owe you this," Scarf Guy says, and gives him an energy bar. A different one from the one Iruka gave him last Friday, thank god. 

"... Thanks, Scarf Guy." 

Scarf Guy raises his eyebrow and Iruka promptly wants to jump outside of the still moving train when he realizes that he actually called Scarf Guy _Scarf Guy_ to his _face_. 

"No problem, Ponytail Guy." 

* * *

So. Iruka  _may_ have set out to put Scarf Guy-- _Kakashi_ out of his mind, and have instead wound up going on a coffee date with him. So! Everyone makes mistakes. No one's perfect. This is not at all embarrassing. 

Kakashi does insist that it's romantic, though. 


End file.
